‘Leaving Thargelion’ by Estarfin

That Winter’s Feast was the first I beheld him. Unknown to me until recently was that he had been looking at me for a while, that his closest friends knew of his interest and teased him for it. ‘The Princess in the Tower’ he said he used to call me, unobtainable, so far beyond him. None of that was true. I was never a princess, nor was I aloof, not to him at any rate. But I knew not the restrictions he was under from his father’s well-meaning, but controlling dictate that he would never give blessing for his son to wed. Nor did I know that some of what he was about was an effort to get me to notice him! The irony. So it was that we hardly spoke, and that in passing least his father found out. And my parents, though they liked him, wished me to wait a little until he was grown, that we all might see what sort of temperament he had. His father was one of our best Captains, all knew that! But his mood could be dark at times. that my family wanted to see how much the son took after him.

In due course he was awarded command of a trading mission to Barad Eithel. He was to be leading the best of Prince Caranthir’s armour smiths in an attempt to start trade with Fingolfin’s folk. Of late he told me he had hoped his success would incline me to notice him upon his return. I never knew. I by then I had long sought out opportunities to notice him. He was not to return with success. The year was FA 455, and the Dagor Bragollach was to be unleashed.

~ ~ ~

“…Since then I have wandered much. Something in my blood, mayhap, from the days after the Nirnaeth Arnoediad?”

“I have never been one to wander. Not without cause. Yet it seems you travel far. For what purpose, and why alone?” Estarfin stated.

((Taken from Fencing with Estarfin: Round Two by Danel))

***

“I have rarely seen you smile so much Estarfin, it brings joy to my heart to see you so.” Forodhir smiled at the tall figure riding beside him, dressed in black and crimson with silver armour shining in the sunlight. They rode together at the head of a small company, two dozen in all. Most rode tall steeds, dressed in shining armour as Estarfin and Forodhir, but a single cart also travelled with them.

Estarfin took a deep breath of the clear, cold air and looked around the greenery of Ard-galen before answering. “I have dreamed of riding these lands, as my father does. I never thought that there would be such beauty though, such peace.”

“A watchful peace only though, my friend. Do not forget that. Your father leads patrols into these lands to keep the shadow away from our doors, and only by the might of the Noldor is Morgoth caged within his fortress. These lands are beautiful, but there is also danger. Do not forget that. Do not forget why you ride armed and armoured upon a steed of war.”

“Forodhir, you are too serious, too gloomy today. What is it that troubles you?”

Forodhir pointed northwards, as he rode. Although still distant, the three volcanic mountains of Thangorodrim were visible. “We are the closest we will come to Angband on this journey, it makes me uneasy to be so close to him. And still a week away from Barad Eithel.”

Estarfin’s smile faded as he looked towards the far-off peaks. “There is little to fear while the leaguer holds him fast within his iron prison. Still… Namaica! Lithande!” Estarfin called loudly.

Two of the company urged their steeds toward Estarfin and Forodhir quickly. Pulling alongside Estarfin they spoke.

“Yes Lord?”

Estarfin frowned slightly, still unused to the formality of his old friends. “We are nearer to the enemy here than we shall be at any point of the journey. Take two riders and ride as far north and west as you can whilst keeping us in sight. If there are any orc filth in these parts it will give us more warning.”

“As you command Lord” Lithande answered, and his friends rode away hard to follow his orders.

“You are still not used to command, I can see it on your face” Forodhir said “They will see it too. Keep your doubts to yourself, they must believe in you, as I do. Our Prince did not give you command simply because of who your father is, do not forget that. You have earned this.”

Estarfin shrugged, thinking again of the honour that had been accorded him, and if he was truly worthy. “We have earned this Forodhir, we both have command here. Our Prince knows your worth, he knows your skill far exceeds mine, even after a century of learning from you.”

Forodhir laughed briefly. “A century? Sometimes I forget how young you are my friend, especially when you wear such a serious expression. No” he held up his hands as he spoke “I do not mock you, or your youth. You are still young, one hundred years to you is a long stretch of time. I was born in Tirion, just before it was completed. From the time of my adulthood, until the darkening of Valinor I learned all that I know from Aulë. I have taught you all that I can since you became my apprentice, and then my dear friend. There is still more to teach, of course, and more to learn. Aulë taught me all that I know, not all that he knows. Others will have different lore than I; we shall seek them out together.

“But I digress. You have command here. I will advise as I may, but we follow you. I remember well the child with a will stronger than the steel he worked, and I remember the fear that I had of the tall and dreadful warrior he would become. I do not have that fear now that I see what you have become, and follow you gladly.”

The two rode on in silence for a while, the chill wind that blew across Ard-galen the only noise to be heard above the hooves of their horses.

***

“Elarenë watches you carefully, you realise that?” asked Forodhir.

Estarfin looked up from his small meal of hard bread and a bruised apple. “Hmm?”

“Elarenë. She has seen the fine warrior and smith that you have grown into, and I think admires you. What do you make of that?” Forodhir watched Estarfin with interest.

“I am certainly better at both than she is, but she is only what, just 50? Barely come into her adulthood, she will improve with time.”

Forodhir raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly to himself. “You are what, 180? It is usual for our kind to, well, become betrothed nearer to 50 than 200…”

Estarfin choked slightly on the dry bread. “Betrothed? You suggest I should become betrothed to Elarenë?”

Forodhir shrugged “She is fair of temperament, skillful of hand and beautiful, is she not? And as I say, she pays you great attention.”

“I… She does?”

Forodhir nodded. “She looks at you as Miressa looked at me, when we were young. As I looked at her. As we will look at each other once again, one day. Elarenë is a good match. Unless your heart lies elsewhere?” Forodhir watched Estarfin for a reaction.

“My heart? No, I would not go that far. My heart is still my own, it dwells still within Thargelion. But there is beauty there, but unknown and I fear unknowable. My father never approved, and I have always honoured his wishes. But now, now that I am grown in our Prince’s regard, perhaps we shall see.”

“I will speak to Elarenë then, it would be unseemly to give her hope of something that is not to be. Finish your food, Linthande will return soon.” Forodhir stood and walked away.

***

“We shall reach the High King’s fortress of Barad Eithel tomorrow evening, if I judge it correctly. We have been lucky, the journey has been uneventful.” Forodhir was brushing his horse as he spoke to Estarfin.

“The usurper King you mean?” Estarfin muttered in response.

Forodhir looked over at Estarfin sharply. “You would do well to watch your tongue. Firstly, we are within a day’s ride of his land; do not think he leaves his borders unwatched and unguarded. Secondly, Fingolfin did not steal the crown and you know it, you know our history well enough. Lord Maedhros relinquished all claim as the heir of Finwë and passed the High Kingship of the Noldor to Fingolfin himself. Maedhros himself proposed the journey that we are on for Tintallë’s sake Estarfin, does that not show the high regard he has for Fingolfin and Fingon? Thirdly….” Forodhir shook his head and turned away.

“Finish what you have started. Thirdly?” Estarfin’s voice was calm, but Forodhir could hear the danger in it.

“Thirdly Estarfin, these are not your words, not your beliefs. I hear your father’s voice when you say such things. You are not him, do not try to be. He is great amongst our people, but he can be harsh and quick to anger. He spoke against you leading us, did you know that?”

Estarfin looked surprised and shook his head. “He told me that you requested my presence. He commanded me not to fail; neither him nor our Prince. How do you know this?”

“I was there Estarfin. Prince Caranthir had summoned us both. He commanded that I gather our greatest smiths to trade with Lord Fingolfin. He also suggested that you lead the expedition with me. Your father was against the idea, but relented eventually. ‘There is a fire in him that threatens to burn out of control, I had hoped he would have tempered it by now, but he is unpredictable.’ Those were his words.”

“I have never understood why he has such anger towards me, why he has never trusted that I will not fail him. Everything I have done was to please him. I studied anything, as he commanded. I learned the sword, the spear, how to ride, how to fight. I learned to be a warrior, as he is. Yet nothing has ever been enough.” Estarfin sighed. “Perhaps nothing ever will be.”

***

Sentries had been watching them for hours, but now riders circled them, keeping a hundred strides away at all times. The afternoon sun was facing, and the chill of evening was upon them. The air was chill from the mountains of Ered Wethrin. Estarfin, Forodhir and the company made ready for their arrival at Barad Eithel, the imposing citadel of High King Fingolfin.